… to find balance, self-love, and compassion

This week I am trying to be brave and explore outside of my comfort zone. To take it that extra step further, I’m trying to be excited about my “courageous” choices, but realistically that’s not always feasible. This is part of my month of practicing and observing Ahimsa in my surroundings. So September is my month of nonviolence (well, since I started late in September, I’ll most likely continue with my month of Ahimsa through Halloween).

Today my brave choice was to confront my fear of confrontation. It wasn’t exactly a negative confrontation so I don’t know why I was so afraid. I guess I can kind of be supersensitive and reserved sometimes; honestly I just dislike hurting others (so my month of Ahimsa should be a piece of cake), or perhaps it’s just that I dislike being in uncomfortable situations. But how will I know if I’m hurting someone if I avoid them altogether?

So, my four-year-old daughter has been going to the same private daycare since she devoured her own personal mini cake (and had her first taste of sugar) at her first birthday celebration, so nearly her whole life, or three quarters of it. With the help of the internet and DSHS, I found an amazing woman when I was making arrangements to move from Flagstaff, AZ to Port Angeles, WA after receiving a job offer to manage a half million dollar grant for the local community college. I made an appointment with Miss Amazing the same day we arrived in town. After the meeting, it was agreed that we had found the perfect setting for our baby.

Now, three years since I found Miss Amazing, I’ve been thinking of my daughter starting kindergarten next year (I know, I know…that’s not exactly living in the present, but I’m working on it). I started to realize that it’s in the best interest of my daughter to transition from daycare to preschool. Thanks to a series of unfortunate events which I won’t go in to, I was forced to find backup daycare for a couple of weeks. Through a colleague, I met a former elementary school teacher turned preschool owner, so we decided to test drive her preschool. My daughter ABSOLUTELY loved the atmosphere. I have to admit I did too. It was refreshing to walk into a structured educational environment that only seemed to be missing the group of children gathered in front of the boob tube, that I so often found when I picked up my Sweet Pea from her current daycare.

So after much deliberation I finally did it. I picked up the phone and called Miss Amazing. I told her how much Sweet Pea has loved being part of her daycare, and how grateful I was for her nurturing my daughter and accommodating our erratic schedule. I explained that it was in Sweet Pea’s best interest to move on to a more structured environment where she could practice the alphabet, the numbers, and the days of week in preparation for kindergarten next year. To my surprise, Miss Amazing was very understanding and even still wants to be my backup in case of emergency—and we all know those happen once in a while.

I realized that I wasn’t hurting anyone by being honest and wanting the best for my child. By putting it off because I was afraid to confront my own fear, the only one I was hurting was my daughter by keeping her from the opportunities that she’ll have in her new preschool. So as anxious as I was when I reached for the phone, I did it: I confronted my fear of confrontation and broke up with my daughter’s daycare provider.

My next goal is to tackle a fear with excitement; then I’ll really be embracing Ahimsa.